BY LAURA JANE & LIZ
Speaking of things I have nothing to say about, I have nothing to say about anything Pete Campbell did besides eat at BurgerChef with Peggy and Don, which of course was heartwarming. I am finding it difficult to warm up to Bonnie- I want to like her, since she’s an Alpha female and Alpha females are my second favorite faction of human being after <3 Beta males <3 but her clothes are so gauche and who cares if your toes are grubby and, strangely, I found it almost offensively crass when she told Pete not to try and “fuck [his] way out of [whatever].” Another thing I have nothing to say about is everything that happened while Pete was in Cos Cob except Cos Cob is a weird name for a town and that dessert he shoved his beer bottle into looked really yummy and I wish I was eating a slice of it.
The last Mad Men storyline I have nothing to say about is Bob Benson’s. I’m also pretty indifferent about Sterling Coops losing Chevy. Like, really, Matthew Weiner? Is that the best you could come up with? “We’ll make Ginsberg cut off his nipple, and then they’ll lose Chevy.” Those are the only things that have happened on Mad Men this season. Remember when things used to happen on Mad Men? When people had affairs and did drugs and killed themselves and found out about Don Draper’s secret identity? Now it’s like, “Bob Benson proposed to Joan and Joan said no.” Nope. Not good enough. Don’t get me wrong- I love how Mad Men is subtle and nuanced and character-driven as much as the next guy, but it’s still a freaking TV show. You can’t just make “One character suggests that another character gives a presentation that a third character was initially supposed to deliver” the most scandalous aspect of an episode and expect people not to be bored by that. I feel like part of the issue is that Mad Men is just too subtle and nuanced and character-driven to stand up to the mini-season format. I’d probably resent this episode way less if I had eight more to look forward to. Instead I’m just having anxiety about whether or not the finale is going to blow my mind or just blow.
In conclusion, the “Peggy and Don at the office on a Sunday” bit was clearly golden, but I am bummed that Don and Peggy didn’t kiss. I really thought they were going to kiss! For one second during “My Way,” I felt my heart fall into my stomach like I was on a rollercoaster because I was that convinced that they were about to kiss. And then Don sort of kissed the top of Peggy’s head, I was unimpressed by it, and the scene was over. What bullshit. I’m sorry, I get that Mad Men is too cool to make Don and Peggy kiss, like it would sully the complexity of their relationship or whatever, but I really think that in real life they would kiss! They already would have kissed! They would have kissed in 1965! I’m sorry, but I have kissed so many people I like a whole lot less than Don likes Peggy. And I've definitely kissed the hell out of every person I ever liked as much as Peggy likes Don. That’s what people do. They kiss people they have complicated relationships with. Just to see, you know? Plus, they’re always drunk! Can you imagine slow-dancing alone in an empty office with someone who you felt as intensely weird about as Don and Peggy feel about each other? And then, on top of it, you’d had like seven drinks? What would you do? And I hate how they try to play it like, “They don’t kiss because they respect each other.” In what crazy world do you not want to kiss the people you respect? Kissing people you respect is pretty much the best thing about being alive.
In actual conclusion, I thought it was really gross when Peggy said “break bread.” I’d like to eradicate that phrasing from the English language. Lastly, since I’m not a soulless monster, when my best friends in the world Peggy and Don and Pete all chilled and ate at BurgerChef, my heart swelled up with love. After watching that episode, I went out and got absurdly fucked up with a bunch of my ex-co-workers, and at some point between my fifth beer and first Sex on the Beach, I got it. I don't think the point is that Peggy and Pete are Don's family- your co-workers are never the people you love most. The point is they're the people that know you.
LIZ: I need to start off by saying that this is one of the best looks a man could ever rock. Beard, banana, plaid button-down unbuttoned to reveal sizable beer belly, paint-splattered jeans, total lack of necklaces. Boom. That's all I want from men now on.
Speaking of looks, I loved all the ladies in their blue dresses:
The last fashion thing I want to mention is I loved Don's groovy towel, and I'm also into Megan's denim-on-denim move:
Poor Bob Benson. "My face doesn't please you?" I wish I'd said that to every dude who's ever rejected me in any way. Also, loved this:
Great! I'm in. I like the way you think, Bob Benson, except when you're suggesting that no one will ever love Joan Holloway and that probably her best option is to abandon her lifelong dreams in favor of a sexless/romance-less marriage in your stupid imaginary Detroit mansion. Then I'm like, "Go back to the part about the pancakes and the sundae." Good grief.
Awww, Peggy Olson: such a cute lil smoker. Last week for our Mad Men column I wrote up this big thing about how I was dying for a "Suitcase"-style Don/Peggy together-sesh, how I missed Don/Peggy alone-time way hard and couldn't deal with their being so not into each other, but then I deleted it because it was whiny and I find whininess unbecoming. And I know there's that whole idea that Mad Men never "gives us what we want," but the Don and Peggy stuff in this episode was everything I wanted and more. When Don told her, "I worry about a lot of things, but I don't worry about you," it melted me. Also appreciated this:
And then when we went to BurgerChef, I got all Pete Campbell and asked myself, "Did I die?" - except not in a Pete Campbell way, because it was more like "Am I in Heaven? This is Heaven, right?" Heaven is Don and Pete and Peggy and burgers and fries and sodas, Don smoking while he eats, Pete getting food on his face and Don and Peggy being cuted out by it, Pete teasing Peggy by addressing her as "Hemingway," everybody being in kind of a fucked up place in life but totally chill about it for a little while. It's that "easy knowledge" thing again. The last five lines of "Freak Scene" by Dinosaur Jr. cornily remain my most beloved thing about Mad Men.